Its dangerous for a gal like me to be left alone with her thoughts; for I afraid my thoughts. I’m afraid of what I might just discover about myself.
So I’d rather escape this dreadful state and take a refuge in books or internet surfing or writing or music or anything to divert my self. But then the kind of books I read and a few songs that I ‘relate’ to, again, push me towards that void. And that void is a horrible state to be in. its like purgatory where you’re nowhere near any haven. Everything that I have holds no meaning; all that I’m lacking comes to me…
I’m afraid of what I might recall; something about me, my past, my friends… be it anything they always sap my energy and my spirit. All those things, that I’ve taught myself to live without, suddenly surface. You feel weak and vulnerable and, sometimes even, worthless. As if something is dragging you towards that gloomy and appalling corner; and haunting you for something that you have no idea about. I can’t really explain what it exactly feels like.
All I know is that I fear my own thoughts and I fear this Void...
(I’ve tried explaining it but I couldn’t. You’ll only understand it if you go through it… and I don’t want that for anybody. And if you’ve already been through it, then just know that you aren’t alone)
author:- joy.
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